I had the privilege recently of giving one of our team members some negative feedback about a coaching engagement with one of our clients (yes, from time-to-time there are expectation gaps to resolve).
Hang on! Back up just a moment...did you say "privilege"?
Yes, I said "privilege". Mind you, it didn't feel like a privilege just before delivering it. What was going through my mind was "How will this be received? What damage is this going to cause? How can I get someone else to deliver this?"
So why do I say it was a privilege? Well, I value the team member and their contribution to our business. I also know how important feedback is to an employee's performance...not just the good stuff, the difficult feedback as well. In the same way we treat a cut or a graze by cleaning it and gently, dabbing on some stinging antiseptic, we clean the wound of missed expectations so that healing occurs and we can restore higher performance or resolve misalignment. But it hurts at the time!
Look at the alternative. Leave the wound untreated and pretend that it didn't happen. Watch the wound slowly (and then sometimes quickly) get infected and turn into a pussy mess that needs serious medical attention. (Sorry if you are eating lunch while reading this!)
Providing difficult feedback is a privilege
Providing difficult feedback is a privilege. The moment presented, I was able to gently share what had been relayed to me. This was feedback I had received about them and I believed it was a perspective worthy of some consideration. This was importantly couched in the view that the feedback was also only another party's perspective which, too, was fraught with it's own world of interpretation.
So, instead of judgement, I approached with care and empathy for the impact this may have had on the employee's ego, knowing that for a receptive learner, their own self-assessment is usually the harshest critic. The first dab of feedback and inevitable sting was apparent. Care and re-assurance applied. "It's ok".
Here comes the moment of privilege. An opening in the conversation allowed me to share how much the team values the employee and their contribution. So much so, we remain transparent, honest and committed to their development and support. We committed to reflecting more deeply on how we can continue to aid the wound healing process - more learning, tools, communications, check-in's etc.
Most importantly from the conversation, they hear a resounding positive affirmation to the silent questions of vulnerability that run through all of our minds in these moments - Am I okay? Am I good enough? Am I still valuable? Are you still for me? "YES" is the healing message!
Don't we all want to hear that from significant people in our lives - bosses, partners, co-workers, clients. What opportunity do you have right now to tend to a wound? It may sting at first, then you can seize the opportunity to affirm that person's value.
Oasis People and Culture help to develop the relational health and maturity of people for high performance in a constantly changing world. If you or your organisation need additions skills or encouragement that can help enhance how feedback is delivered, we may be able to help.
