When I stop and reflect on all of my conversations related to important issues, I realise only a small proportion of them happen in the formal pre-arranged meeting spaces. A disproportionate amount of conversation time on these crucial issues occur in hallways, over lunch, through instant messaging and phone calls. Side-chats can be a source of inspiration, clarity and connection and sometimes also a maze of distractions where twisted half-truths are born and where individuals and groups dig deeper into their entrenched views.
In our leadership, we can either choose to remove ourselves completely from them, (in which case we may miss important intel for decision-making and shared understanding) or we can better understand their role and engage in them in relationally healthy and life-giving ways.
Whatever you choose, don't ignore their significance!
How can we make better use of our side-chats?
Understand and consciously separate facts from opinions. Side-chats are often the "safe" space where individuals have a chance to vent (in other words, share their deepest held views and opinions about a situation or person). "I can't believe he said that!" "Why doesn't she just do what she's supposed to". These views are important but need to be treated differently from the actual set of facts surrounding an issue.
Engage in them with a curious mindset. Disciplined and deep listening is required in these moments so that we can see beyond our own limited perspectives (as "right" and as strongly held as those perspectives might feel). It may be useful to explore what both our own and other's deeper motivations and concerns might be beneath the positions being held rather than just the opinions themselves.
Monitor how useful, positive and respectful the conversation is. Ask yourself if the conversation is enhancing clarity, openness and dialogue or if it is potentially disrespectful, fueling inflexible mindsets or creating unhealthy tension in relationships.
To discover more about how to make the most out of your side-chats and significant conversations, visit www.oasispc.com.au
